Posts
I'm not at Ball State anymore, which kinda really sucks, a lot....I feel stupid. I wasn't doing as good as I wanted to, but I at least thought I doing well enough to pass, I was wrong. I cannot express how heartbroken I was when I found out that I was disqualified from Ball State. I was shattered. That place was basically my home away from home, the friends I made there are my second family. Round table every night had become a permanent fixture in my life.
The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the bad news was "Holy shit how am I gonna tell my family this?!?!". I knew my mom would take the news ok, but my dad was a completely different story. Thoughts were racing through my mind, lies that I could tell him to prolong the moment when I would have to tell him this terrible news. My sister, however, did the job for me, and surprisingly he wasn't he mad, or disappointed. He felt really bad for me, and just hugged me, said that he was so sorry. My mom and the rest of my family did pretty much the same thing. To say I was surprised about their reaction would be the understatement of the century. I was completely and utterly shocked...
The second thing that popped into my mind was, "Oh my God, no more round table...." I wouldn't be seeing the friends I had grown so close to anymore. I wouldn't be staying up til 3 in the morning every night, basically having the best nights of my life...No more midnight runs to Steak n Shake and Mcdonalds, or ordering Chinese food every other Friday night when we got paid, no more random movie marathons where we just talk the whole way through. No more philosophical conversations, perverted topics, or gossiping about people we hate. We never even got a proper farewell, I thought I would be coming back. I was wrong.
I cried for a week afterwards. I didn't know what I would do without the friends I had grown so accustomed to seeing everyday. I didn't know what I would do without my family...I still don't...I can still keep in touch with them, and I can always drive down to see them, but I have no clue when that will be. And in the time it takes for me to get there, I feel like I will be forgotten, a thing of the past. I don't want to grow apart from any of them, and I plan on keeping in touch, but that has to go both ways. I just can't shake the nagging voice in my head that keeps saying they will all just forget about me, because I am easily forgetable. They all say that round table isn't the same without me, but how long will that last? I'm not there anymore, and I feel like I'm just doomed to become a part of their past...
